Last isn't always that bad..

Sometimes it's not about winning the race, sometimes it's more about just being in it, in the thick of it all instead of in the sidelines watching. So much has been presented to me. My mind seems to be overflowing, a plethora of information and emotion. There are so many things going on in my life right now and I'm so happy to be overwhelmed. I work constantly but the job is cake, I fucking sell shoes. Come on, that's like allowing cookie monster to work at Mrs. Fields! For the first time in a long time I'm sticking to my goal. Fearless with anything I do, limitless in what I choose to do, and honest in how I feel. No more riding shotgun, I'm controlling how and where my life goes. I might not end up reaching the "standardized" idea of what's considered "social norm" as quick as everyone else my age but thats fine. Let everyone else claw their way to any old profession, let everyone else sit on the sidelines while their lives follow a pre-destined path. As for me, I'm doing what I want and it's been amazing. I'm straying away from having to constantly compete with the world and I'm moving towards being content with where I am now; because I know I'll move forward. Progression is a part of life so I don't need to worry, I should just enjoy "now". I know my future is bright, whatever it may be. There's no way it can be anything other then amazing, I won't allow any less and the changes I make now are definitely going to help kick start "John's Bad Ass Life".

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She's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm going to pursue her.

its a little harder then just your average six step.

dusting off the deezy chucks and getting back into my bboy shit!

what ever happened to the future?

its really funny how at one point in my life whenever i thought about the future i didnt think about a specific job, or a specific place. I didnt even think about me performing a specific task. I remember back to a time, when all i thought about was walking down the isle, with you. There were no people, there was no place, there weren't even doors that we came from. It was just a vast sea of white and us. John __ and Kath____ V_____ (come on, im not gonna post all the nitty gritty out there like that). At the time I couldnt understand why thats all i thought about, or even why our wedding seemed so bland...monotone..white. Now that i think about it though, maybe thats how its suppose to be. Just two people, walking hand in hand towards destiny, each other. The world around them didn't exist, because they existed inside each other, for each other.

Actually, i guess you could say i did think of a specific job, my job, or what it would say on my business card would be: professional aficionado of all things kathy. The specific place would be: deep in the most inner chamber of her sacred heart, and what tasks would i have to perform you ask? well, my only task would be to love you forever.

man, if i could just turn half the sappy, cheesy stuff i write into a book...i'd probably make bank! im sure there are other hopeless romantics out there just waiting to read how they feel on a book published by someone else. right?

I still believe in first love, which means i still believe in you.

a long time ago i promised i'd always love you.
a long time ago you promised you'd always love me.
a long time ago we were just young kids stuck in a never ending text message conversation.
it might have been a long time ago, but for my heart those moments never seem that far away.

i remember walking a mile in the middle of the cold night, just to see you.
i remember making fun of your socks, and your billabong hoodie.
i remember how you stood me up on the first date we never had.
there are so many random things about us that i remember, and i wouldn't have had it any other way.

so here's to heaven.
here's to "i love you" a million times.
here's to breaking up over Romeo + Juliet.
here's to getting back together through email a few hours after breaking up over Romeo + Juliet.
here's to never having that first date, and not needing it...

Here's to feeling your love, without ever touching your hand. I know we were miles away, but at one point our souls found a way to each other. We managed to form a bond, of love, of friendship. Truly my first love, the only one for me. The that won't get away. After all these years, you've never missed a birthday. No matter how much distance came between us or the new flings in our lives, we always managed to still feel that spark for each other.

I'll love you always.

Keep your head up kid, things will get better..

Ive always considered myself an individual that acts before calculating the factors of a situation. When asked whether i was the jumper or the pilot flying the plane my usual answer without hesitation would be jumper. I like to think im a free spirit, a pseudo-renaissance man of sorts. An open minded individual, fearless in what i do, ready to attack anything bringing me injustice. No words too harsh, no obstacle too hard and certainly no girl too unreachable. The world is my clay, ready for me to mold any which way i see it fit and the possibilities are endless. I wanted to catch lightning in a bottle, to write inspiring words that moved hearts, yet; somehow it seems like ive reached a wall. A giant brick wall layered in cement, reinforced with steel, and fitted with level to drone guns...whatever those are. Why? Why can't i seem to figure out what's wrong with me? Why does life seem so bland, so unfunny..


I can't seem to get past the rigmarole of sorting out all this emotion. I know everyone has these moments of insatiable boredom, and im no different, but; usually ill have my moment and then go do something that will completely whip the meloncholy away from my slate. Now though, I cant seem to find that "thing", no matter what i do, im still bored. With life, with people, with everything! I tried being more open, not that i wasn't already upfront to begin with,i tried changing my look by getting a mohawk, i even tried doing something i've never done before (stand-up comedy) and yet nothing has satisfied me. I haven't felt this way in a long time, not since Van and I parted ways.

fuck man....maybe im just bugging out, im sure something great is coming. You can't be this far down and not have something spectacular pull u right back up. I mean after all, i believe life goes in a pattern of ups and downs. Your only brought down so that you can have a reason to be brought up.

ITS SO HOT!! MILK WAS A BAD CHOICE!

its 5 in the morning...i just woke up...my room was freezing from the AC at night but somewhere along the line it just got super hot so now im sweating like a fat kid. somebody's a playin dem tricks, i reckon!

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This is what i drank last nite.





+






yea it was a bad idea...my mouth was burning for literally the whole night!

ok im going to try n go back 2 sleep, or at least lay around until i get bored and come back to the interwebzz.


stay classy-

PPPEEEEPPPS!!

just bought 8 boxes of Peeps. time to get on that fatty status :D

List:
2 boxes Pink bird peeps
2 boxes yellow rabbit Peeps
2 boxes purple bird peeps
2 boxes yellow bird peeps (classic, a must!)


ohh hey here's some music to get fat to!


HAPPY EASTER!!!!