Sometimes the joke's on me.

It's funny how you can be on top of the world and in one instant lose everything. I had it, I had you. Where did it go wrong? Was it me? I can't stop hurting. As cliche as it sounds, I'm fighting a losing battle. All that progress, all the steps leading to my reformation, I was going through love rehab. and doing so well, then; in an instant all my progress was blown away with one gust of wind. Maybe it's me, I don't think I'm allowing myself to truly move on. I mean I say I'll move on and I go into stubborn mode whenever I get the urge to contact you, but look at me now. I'm sitting here throwing another blog in the infinite mass of blogs dedicated to you. It's not helping that for the last 2 days I've done nothing but listen to songs that only remind me of you but what the fuck can I do?! My mind and body are over you but my heart won't allow me to let you go. I thought hooking up with random girls would help but it only reminds me more of why you're the only one for me. I keep my ego on a monumental level to help me but it's really not working. I say things like "I can get so much better", "she's really not hot", and "she has no boobs what so ever". Yet; it only momentarily eases the throbbing pain of the heart cause in the end, I truly loved you. I don't want better because there isn't better. You're what's best for me. I could care less about your physical traits, I can't believe I'm even saying that! Me, of all people! I would have never in a million years thought I fall for a girl like you but here I am, whining like a bitch. That's it, I can't move on cause I don't think I truly want to. I find myself writing about how I want to move on and then in the next 2 sentences write about how I know you're the one for me. What the fuck am I going to do?! John is so hopeless!