DJE(dream journal entry) #1

This is my very first entry in the dream journal I've decide to keep.  If you don't know what I'am doing or why I'am doing this read my previous entry titled Dream On. I won't usually add a little pretext like this, but since this is my first entry in a long line of entries I figured I should add a little explanation.  When I write these I plan to go straight into it.  I will be writing very informally and more then likely I wont pay any attention to punctuation(not that I really do now.) I plan on writing these as soon as I wake up so I still have the dream fresh in mind. Now without further a do.

so i had a dream that i was spiderman but in an underground series of tunnels and these bad guys were chasing me.  i remember dispatching them one by one until i reach a dead end full of 5 or 6 bad guys.  i fought them all until i realize that the bad guys who were very 3 stooges-like kept getting up.  they seemed to be unbeatable.  so i decide to climb the wall until i come to an opening in the ceiling.  i climb out and then im in a completely different scene.  im myself again, in the rain, with my brother ajel.  im at a funeral but i don't know whose.  i see familiar faces like my mother's and father's.  im mad at my mom for some reason, i dont know why.  i get to the casket and its an old man, supposedly its a relative of mine and the reason im mad is because my mom sent me and ajel away and the elderly man who passed away was the one who took us up.  I begin to cry and say things like " you were the only one that cared when no one wanted us" I begin to yell in anger and ajel is telling me to shut up.  I realize im being disrespectful and stop.  the scene again changes and now im in what appears to be my dorm room here on base but in someone's house.  its the elderly man's house.  me, ajel and my uncle are sitting on my bed and my mom comes in. she hugs us and we all cry.  i say im sorry and then i wake up.

After having this dream or should I say series of "mini-dreams" I tried to analyse it to the best of my ability.  From what I can tell, the dream of me being Spiderman was me running from something while dealing with it slowing and in small increments.  This then leads to the inevitable face to face encounter in which I try to face it but realize I don't have neither the strength or technique to defeat this adversary.  Maybe it symbolizes putting more on your plate then you can handle.  Lately I have been trying to juggle a lot more things.  Then the most peculiar dream is this funeral.  I figured it had something to do with my grandfather Juan Vergara Sr.  When he passed I couldn't cry for some reason.  Maybe it was the mind numbing fact that he was really gone that dammed up all my emotions.  All i know was that in my dream I'm an emotional mess.  The mess I deeply longed to be in my heart when he passed.  Then this issue with my mom. I guess it was the years of clashing with my parents as a teen that decided to reincarnate itself in my dreams again.  As if to say, "hey remember when you use to feel this way, you rebel jerk you."