Three Cheers for Three Years...almost...kinda...

It's been a long time since I've last felt the need and/or urge to spontaneously enter this domain of a blog again. Almost three years since my last post.  Almost.  I cant even begin to truly map out how I'd like to update this thing or what type of context I'll be putting in it. So much has happened in what seemed like a blink of an eye from my prospective (I know 2 years and some change is a long time in reality so fuck off!)  and I can't honestly say I'll remember to put everything up on here.  I know I meant to update this thing more regarding my whole "self-enlightenment" phase, but I kind of got over that real fast.  It was a fun experience but it wasn't me, which is not to say it is a load of shit; it just was not my cup of spiritual tea.  It did open my eyes in a way to the type of person I am in the sense that I have a better understanding of what types of things truly interest me and what type of things don't.

Fuck, it's 0234am and i work in 3 hrs.  I'll update this more tomorrow, or whenever I feel like it.

DJE(dream journal entry) #1

This is my very first entry in the dream journal I've decide to keep.  If you don't know what I'am doing or why I'am doing this read my previous entry titled Dream On. I won't usually add a little pretext like this, but since this is my first entry in a long line of entries I figured I should add a little explanation.  When I write these I plan to go straight into it.  I will be writing very informally and more then likely I wont pay any attention to punctuation(not that I really do now.) I plan on writing these as soon as I wake up so I still have the dream fresh in mind. Now without further a do.

so i had a dream that i was spiderman but in an underground series of tunnels and these bad guys were chasing me.  i remember dispatching them one by one until i reach a dead end full of 5 or 6 bad guys.  i fought them all until i realize that the bad guys who were very 3 stooges-like kept getting up.  they seemed to be unbeatable.  so i decide to climb the wall until i come to an opening in the ceiling.  i climb out and then im in a completely different scene.  im myself again, in the rain, with my brother ajel.  im at a funeral but i don't know whose.  i see familiar faces like my mother's and father's.  im mad at my mom for some reason, i dont know why.  i get to the casket and its an old man, supposedly its a relative of mine and the reason im mad is because my mom sent me and ajel away and the elderly man who passed away was the one who took us up.  I begin to cry and say things like " you were the only one that cared when no one wanted us" I begin to yell in anger and ajel is telling me to shut up.  I realize im being disrespectful and stop.  the scene again changes and now im in what appears to be my dorm room here on base but in someone's house.  its the elderly man's house.  me, ajel and my uncle are sitting on my bed and my mom comes in. she hugs us and we all cry.  i say im sorry and then i wake up.

After having this dream or should I say series of "mini-dreams" I tried to analyse it to the best of my ability.  From what I can tell, the dream of me being Spiderman was me running from something while dealing with it slowing and in small increments.  This then leads to the inevitable face to face encounter in which I try to face it but realize I don't have neither the strength or technique to defeat this adversary.  Maybe it symbolizes putting more on your plate then you can handle.  Lately I have been trying to juggle a lot more things.  Then the most peculiar dream is this funeral.  I figured it had something to do with my grandfather Juan Vergara Sr.  When he passed I couldn't cry for some reason.  Maybe it was the mind numbing fact that he was really gone that dammed up all my emotions.  All i know was that in my dream I'm an emotional mess.  The mess I deeply longed to be in my heart when he passed.  Then this issue with my mom. I guess it was the years of clashing with my parents as a teen that decided to reincarnate itself in my dreams again.  As if to say, "hey remember when you use to feel this way, you rebel jerk you."   

Dream on.

Recently I've been getting really into the study of lucid dreaming and astral projection, things of that nature.  It's very intriguing and from what I've read quite positive for bettering your life's path.  For those that don't know, lucid dreaming is the ability to realize you are dreaming and actually take control of all aspects of the dream.  This entails where you are in your dream, who you are with, what you are doing and what ever else you can possibly muster up.  Astral projection is the ability to recognize "self" and move from a physical state to a spiritual state.  This means your physical body is at rest but your concious mind allows you to leave your body in a the form of a "spiritual self" and venture into the world of astral plane.  I'm sure that some people reading this will think the notion a bit crazy or dangerous but I've done some research and will continue to do research on ways to ensure you stay in complete control as well as ways to protect yourself from what may be lurking in the abyss.  Some ways to truly better your experience that I just so happened to stumble upon are:
1.) Raising your Vibration Level

        - Vibration Level is the vibration or "aura" that you give off.  Beings of Highest level are considered enlightened.  These are the people you want to surround yourself with, they in turn will not only bring your vibration level up but also give you knowledge.  Beings of low vibration level are evil entities, from what I read its rare to encounter them unless your level is on the same frequency.  So essentially just keep joy, happiness and light in your heart.

2.) Meditation
          - Meditating is the ultimate preparation for any spiritual adventurer.  It not only calms you but will help bring you to a state of deep peace which in turn will help the cross over to the dream state.  Proper and daily meditation are key in having lucid dreams or astral projection.

3.)Dream Journals
           - For beginners or those that don't have a strong dream recall a dream journals is definitely a must!  It is a good way to start recalling dreams and a good way help in learning to understand your dreams thusly leading to the ability to control them.

There are more methods and tips but these there were the most common ones throughout all the accounts of reading.  Daily meditation, maintaining a high positive vibration level, and a dream journal are 3 good ways to start if you plan on experiencing a more hands on dream.

**DISCLAIMER**
Now I've decided to keep my dream journal on here.  I'll record my most vivid and memorable dreams on here until I can bring my mental capacity to recall dreams into a high state.  Just be warned my dreams are a bit odd and sometimes just down right weird.

We're not so different you and I, right?

Breathe. Just breathe. It's that simple. When times get hard just tell yourself to breathe, and you'll see how much easier it is to think. I hate letting stress get to me. I hate forgetting to stay calm and acting based on rationality rather then emotion.

that moment when you realize you've jumped the shark after jumping the shark four times already.

It has come to my attention that I write a lot of sappy things. Shame on hopeless romantic ole' me. My page has gotten very repetitive and that is exactly what I have feared. I look back at older posts and it seems as though my main goal was to use this as an outlet to talk about things that fancied my interest or nudged my mind. Somewhere along the line it then became a hole where I felt the need to bury the my unstable emotional life and complain like a whiny bitch about girls that I really had no business caring about. Then again, maybe this was the purpose of my page, after all; there are a million blogs talking about all the latest hype. Perhaps in the end I involuntarily wanted a place where I could vent my emotions and free the feelings trapped within the dwellings of my heart. oh fuck it all! I don't care what I post on here. In the end this is mine, all mine. whether people read this or not means nothing to me. I don't need to give advice to the masses or feel as though I should portray a certain image to the world. Screw you society for making me feel like I should have put other stuff on here!

Staff Sergeant Dream Girl

I was going to put this in the update blog im working on but fuck it, this is worthy of having a separate post. So there was this reservist Ssgt(staff sergeant) that's been in the shop for a few days and she was a very pretty girl but of course me being the gentlemen that I am decided to keep things professional. I would say hi, and talk to her only when I needed to. After all it's not like work is a walk in the park. So I was out with some friends 2 nights ago and who do we see?! Ssgt Beautiful. They sit next to us and I meet her, we hit it off instantly. We drink and dance, but I'm a dumb ass who likes to get a little too drunk so i didn't REALLY get to know her. I see her the next day and it's back to being professional again which was ok with me, although; I'm not going to lie I was very attracted to her. I come to find out that this girl was like my dream girl. I legitimately believe God sent her down her for me. We have so much in common, her interests are essentially my interests, she's amazingly beautiful, and we're the same age doing the same job in the same Air Force. I truly fell in love, I've found my one and only. Now the joke in all of this, she leaves tomorrow. The reservists were only here partially and I met her two days before she leaves New Jersey. Perfect. My heart is pounding and I can't seem to stop smiling much less stop fidgeting. I've already planned out how I'm going to make this work. I'll try until I fail because I don't think I've ever felt more sure about anything in my life in a long time. The last sure thing was joining the Air Force. I have not felt like this since Vanessa. I just wish I didn't get so drunk and not get her number.

I'll follow my heart and I pray it leads me in the path of happiness. Truth be told I'm terrified and I haven't been terrified to talk to a female in a long time.

Wish me Luck.

Being blind and being stupid are completely different.

Some girls are really dumb. No correction, a batch of human beings are really dumb. You would think that we as creatures of emotion would flee from mistakes that hurt us, instead some people dive head-first into the same old shenanigans. To speak more informally for a moment.
You know what the problem with you is? You're the kind of girl that when she meets a guy, any guy she goes all crazy. You blow up your facebook(namedrop how lame) wall with how the stars are in your heart or some shit and how you had to fight so hard to get to this moment. Bitch shut the fuck! That's why you get hurt all the time, you meet someone and then fall so in love like this motherfucker just proposed to you or some shit. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit! You're also the biggest hypocrite in the world, one minute you give your life to religion and it's made you a stronger person then the next minute your back to trying to get a train run on you by 10 black guys. RUBBISH!! I call rubbish! No one should ever take you seriously. Actually, I dont think anyone takes you seriously anyway. Thats probably why you have to resort to dating kids. KIDS! Motherfucking guys that are 6 years younger then you or some creep shit. You're going to try and lecture me about my lifestyle and how I need to find God then turn around and tell me you quit your job cause you were having sex with your boss everyday, then tell me your dating 2 guys at the same time. Not that I believed you, but I highly doubt it. I've seen your track record and your small time. {Now don't get me wrong, I in no shape or form condone a promiscuous lifestyle nor do I wish to portray the image that I'm some sort of spokesperson for the players club, but don't come preaching to the choir unless you actually got a pair of chops to back it up.} where was i? Oh thats right. I feel bad for you but at the same time fuck it. It's like watching a train wreck. You want to do something but at the same time it's a train wreck that shit would be crazy to see. I'm going to write on here in maybe a month. No, I'm giving you too much credit. I'll write on here in 2 weeks when you realize "Mr. Perfect 15yr old" wasn't your "Mr. Perfect". Then you go all over facebook(name drop again.Lame.) and write a new status every 2 minutes like anyone cares. "Not in the mood. Phone's off for tonight" bitch no one texts you anyway! I'm done for now.


UPDATE: 1 week. 1 week and you've already given up on love. Oh how i love being right.